A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
 
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
 
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
 
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

 

 

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.
"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."
About half the class rose and came forward.

"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."